- ORDI (ORDI)
- $34.39: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
- This ain’t your grandma’s retirement fund, unless your grandma’s got a thing for 12% losses. Still, it’s holding strong compared to some of these other clowns, might be worth a gamble, you degenerate gambler, you.
- ARKM (Arkham)
- $1.41: ⭐⭐⭐⭐
- Down 7%? More like down the drain. This one’s about as appealing as a weekend shift at Wendy’s, and we all know how much this sub loves those.
- UNIBOT (UniBot)
- $6.05: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
- Hey, at least it’s not in the negatives! Yet. This one’s about as exciting as watching paint dry, but hey, in this market, boring might be the new sexy. Just don’t tell your wife’s boyfriend.
- BONK (Bonk)
- $0.00: ⭐
- The name says it all. This coin is about as useful as a screen door on a submarine. And before you ask, yes, I checked if the Ayatollah bought puts. No luck.
- BITCOIN (HarryPotterObamaSonic10Inu (ERC-20))
- $0.13: ⭐⭐
- Someone lost a bet and had to name this coin, didn’t they? It’s down 16%, which is about as surprising as finding out your ‘sure thing’ investment advice came from a Reddit thread. Disclaimer: I am not a financial advisor, I just play one on the internet.
Iran launching missiles? Global markets in turmoil? Perfect time to check out these baby cryptos, because apparently, some people never learn. Let’s be real, the only thing exploding harder than the Middle East right now is the volatility of these digital dumpster fires. Remember, if your portfolio starts resembling a warzone, you can always buy puts on coexistence (thanks, lpubh47).
| Logo | 30D Change | 24H Change | Circulating | Price $ | Diluted Cap $ | Cap # | Symbol | Name | |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 0 |  |
 |
-7% | 22% | 1.41 | 1.41B | 160 | ARKM | Arkham |
| 1 |  |
 |
-1% | 0.07 | 7.91M | 1132 | BRICK | r/FortNiteBR Bricks | |
| 2 |  |
 |
-2% | 100% | 6.05 | 6.05M | 1224 | UNIBOT | UniBot |
| 3 |  |
 |
-4% | 50% | 0.31 | 30.9M | 873 | STT | Statter Network |
| 4 |  |
 |
-9% | 28% | 0.41 | 411M | 322 | NTRN | Neutron |
| 5 |  |
 |
-9% | 63% | 0 | 9.02M | 1241 | BAD | Bad Idea AI |
| 6 |  |
 |
-6% | 0 | 66.8M | 476 | SNEK | Snek | |
| 7 |  |
 |
-16% | 99% | 0.13 | 134M | 296 | BITCOIN | HarryPotterObamaSonic10Inu (ERC-20) |
| 8 |  |
 |
-12% | 100% | 34.4 | 722M | 92 | ORDI | ORDI |
| 9 |  |
 |
-15% | 82% | 0 | 68.7M | 510 | LADYS | Milady Meme Coin |
| 10 |  |
 |
19% | 0 | 20.3K | 2644 | BeAI | BeNFT Solutions | |
| 11 |  |
 |
-6% | 2613.24 | 3.72B | 9680 | WBETH | Wrapped Beacon ETH | |
| 12 |  |
 |
-9% | 32% | 0.56 | 561M | 245 | EDU | Open Campus |
| 13 |  |
 |
-17% | 0 | 68.8M | 485 | AIDOGE | ArbDoge AI | |
| 14 |  |
 |
+10% | 0 | 380K | 2109 | PLAY | Play Token | |
| 15 |  |
 |
-3% | 0.17 | 521M | 264 | AGI | Delysium | |
| 16 |  |
 |
-5% | 0.01 | 82.7M | 448 | SDEX | SmarDex | |
| 17 |  |
 |
0.15 | 153M | 862 | UNS | UNS TOKEN | ||
| 18 |  |
 |
-2% | 0.03 | 29.7M | 704 | NXRA | Nexera | |
| 19 |  |
 |
-5% | 0.06 | 5.7M | 1263 | OPTI | Optimus AI | |
| 20 |  |
 |
-8% | 4% | 0.01 | 52.7M | 1528 | HVH | HAVAH |
| 21 |  |
 |
-6% | 77% | 0.01 | 5.55M | 1324 | IMGNAI | imgnAI |
| 22 |  |
 |
-11% | 43% | 0.94 | 1.97B | 77 | CORE | Core |
| 23 |  |
 |
-5% | 30% | 0.02 | 185M | 506 | GFAL | Games for a Living |
| 24 |  |
 |
-7% | 0 | 15M | 919 | NEXA | Nexa | |
| 25 |  |
 |
-8% | 86% | 0.15 | 149M | 306 | 0x0 | 0x0.ai |
| 26 |  |
 |
-10% | 0.04 | 21.6M | 1202 | TOMI | tomi | |
| 27 |  |
 |
-5% | 0.01 | 1.2M | 1741 | GRV | Grove Coin | |
| 28 |  |
 |
0 | 2.37B | 49 | BONK | Bonk |
The crypto market’s like that friend who swears this is their year, every year. Spoiler alert: It’s not. So, grab your Pepto-Bismol, kiss your tendies goodbye, and buckle up for another wild ride on the crypto express. Next stop, the dumpster behind Wendy’s.