- BONK (Bonk)
- $0.00: ⭐
- BONK, more like ‘bonked out,’ amirite? This coin’s down 2% and probably deserves a participation trophy at best. It’s the investing equivalent of betting on a horse named ‘Maybenexttime.’
- ORDI (ORDI)
- $33.58: ⭐⭐⭐
- ORDI, you’re looking a little…ORDInary with that 13% drop. Time to call the Winklevoss twins for a bailout? Maybe they can find some spare change in their Gucci man-purses.
- ORBS (Orbs)
- $0.03: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
- ORBS, defying the odds like a hamster on a wheel. Up 16%? Someone’s been nibbling on the right cheese. This might be a Cinderella story in the making, or maybe it’s just a temporary sugar rush. Only time will tell.
- REEF (Reef)
- $0.01: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
- REEF, swimming against the current like a champ! This bad boy’s up 35%. Must’ve found a treasure chest full of Bitcoin down there. Buy, buy, buy! (Or maybe wait until it inevitably crashes and burns. Your call.)
- PLTR (Palantir Technologies Inc.)
- $N/A: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
- PLTR, the only thing hotter than the missiles raining down on the Middle East. This defense contractor’s probably printing money faster than the Fed right now. If you didn’t buy in yesterday, you’re already late to the party.
Iran launching missiles? Sounds like someone’s trying to pump their portfolio with some good old-fashioned fear. Too bad they didn’t invest in PLTR (calls on PLTR, obviously) because those gains are looking as explosive as the Middle East right now. Meanwhile, the rest of the market is performing like a lead balloon. Coincidence? I think not.
| Logo | 30D Change | 24H Change | Circulating | Price $ | Diluted Cap $ | Cap # | Symbol | Name | |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 0 |  |
 |
-2% | 0 | 2.32B | 49 | BONK | Bonk | |
| 1 |  |
 |
-5% | 95% | 1.51 | 3.97B | 27 | FET | Artificial Superintelligence Alliance |
| 2 |  |
 |
-13% | 100% | 33.58 | 705M | 92 | ORDI | ORDI |
| 3 |  |
 |
-15% | 0.07 | 346M | 149 | PEOPLE | ConstitutionDAO | |
| 4 |  |
 |
+16% | 0.03 | 308M | 357 | ORBS | Orbs | |
| 5 |  |
 |
+16% | 55% | 0.83 | 167M | 377 | DIA | DIA |
| 6 |  |
 |
-8% | 22% | 1.38 | 1.38B | 160 | ARKM | Arkham |
| 7 |  |
 |
+4% | 2.84 | 345M | 193 | UMA | UMA | |
| 8 |  |
 |
+11% | 0.02 | 195M | 290 | USTC | TerraClassicUSD | |
| 9 |  |
 |
-9% | 3.9 | 1.01B | 101 | PENDLE | Pendle | |
| 10 |  |
 |
-5% | 0.39 | 463M | 175 | LUNA | Terra | |
| 11 |  |
 |
-8% | 98% | 0.02 | 1.01B | 68 | JASMY | JasmyCoin |
| 12 |  |
 |
-8% | 0.02 | 708M | 95 | CKB | Nervos Network | |
| 13 |  |
 |
-16% | 0.02 | 334M | 260 | SUN | Sun (New) | |
| 14 |  |
 |
-12% | 0.44 | 438M | 257 | YGG | Yield Guild Games | |
| 15 |  |
 |
-3% | 0.13 | 129M | 305 | CVC | Civic | |
| 16 |  |
 |
-10% | 0.42 | 76.6M | 427 | ARK | Ark | |
| 17 |  |
 |
-12% | 43% | 0.93 | 1.95B | 75 | CORE | Core |
| 18 |  |
 |
+2% | 1.28 | 1.14B | 64 | OM | MANTRA | |
| 19 |  |
 |
+35% | 0.01 | 121M | 312 | REEF | Reef | |
| 20 |  |
 |
-5% | 3.61 | 389M | 140 | ETHW | EthereumPoW | |
| 21 |  |
 |
-10% | 61.58 | 165M | 265 | TRB | Tellor | |
| 22 |  |
 |
-3% | 48% | 1.05 | 1.05B | 116 | SUPER | SuperVerse |
| 23 |  |
 |
-10% | 0.72 | 200M | 240 | SUSHI | SushiSwap | |
| 24 |  |
 |
-12% | 50% | 1.24 | 223M | 327 | NAKA | Nakamoto Games |
| 25 |  |
 |
-8% | 22.3 | 260M | 189 | SSV | ssv.network | |
| 26 |  |
 |
-9% | 1.72 | 953M | 126 | RAY | Raydium | |
| 27 |  |
 |
-17% | 71% | 0.12 | 119M | 397 | RARE | SuperRare |
| 28 |  |
 |
-3% | 0.54 | 74.3M | 439 | CTK | Shentu |
So, there you have it, folks. The crypto-market is as predictable as a toddler on a sugar high. One minute it’s up, the next it’s down, and the only guaranteed winners are those who profit from selling you a parachute on the way down. Stay tuned for tomorrow’s episode, where we’ll probably be saying the exact same thing but with slightly different numbers. Happy trading! (Or, you know, happy hiding under your bed. We don’t judge…much.)