- BONK (Bonk)
- $0.00: ⭐⭐
- Bonk? More like bankrupt amirite? This coin’s price makes a grain of sand look like a gold bar. I’d rate it lower, but hey, at least the name is good for a chuckle. It’s like the guy on Reddit who bragged about his $6 million NVDA position - Bonk goes your portfolio if you put it all on this.
- ORDI (ORDI)
- $36.11: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
- ORDI, you’re doing alright, but let’s be real, you’re no Bitcoin. You’re like that kid who gets a B+ on the test and thinks they’re a genius. Still, with a price like that, you might just be able to afford a self-driving tram ticket…if they ever figure out how to not crash those things (again, r/wallstreetbets, never change).
- LINA (Linear Finance)
- $0.00: ⭐⭐⭐
- Linear Finance? More like liminal finance. Stuck between existence and non-existence, just like my will to live after looking at these charts. 20% up in 24 hours…who are these gamblers? They must be the same folks who think Bitcoin will hit $80k…Canadian. #BitcoinCA
- BAR (FC Barcelona Fan Token)
- $2.35: ⭐⭐⭐⭐
- So, you’re telling me I can buy a token for a soccer team? Is this like fantasy football, but with actual money that disappears faster than Messi’s hairline? 23% up? Sure, until the next match ends in a 0-0 tie and everyone jumps ship.
- METIS (Metis)
- $45.22: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
- Metis, you sly dog, with your 7% gain. You’re like the dark horse in the crypto race, quietly creeping up while everyone’s distracted by the shiny stuff. But let’s be honest, you’re just one market crash away from being another sad story on r/CryptoCurrency.
Hold on to your hard hats, because the crypto world is about as predictable as a self-driving tram from Apple (looking at you, r/wallstreetbets). While some are busy checking their Robinhood accounts for that sweet $200k bonus (congrats and also…pukes), others are out here wondering if their grandma’s ghost came back to life to work for Intel. Apparently, $6 million in NVDA is now the new “milk money.”
| Logo | 30D Change | 24H Change | Circulating | Price $ | Diluted Cap $ | Cap # | Symbol | Name | |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 0 |  |
 |
+3% | 0 | 2.09B | 52 | BONK | Bonk | |
| 1 |  |
 |
+1% | 0.08 | 388M | 148 | PEOPLE | ConstitutionDAO | |
| 2 |  |
 |
-4% | 18% | 5.15 | 155M | 718 | SANTOS | Santos FC Fan Token |
| 3 |  |
 |
92% | 1.31 | 3.57B | 27 | FET | Artificial Superintelligence Alliance | |
| 4 |  |
 |
+3% | 5.08 | 1.31B | 83 | PENDLE | Pendle | |
| 5 |  |
 |
+3% | 100% | 36.11 | 758M | 87 | ORDI | ORDI |
| 6 |  |
 |
3.24 | 1.8B | 78 | RAY | Raydium | ||
| 7 |  |
 |
+3% | 22% | 1.7 | 1.7B | 149 | ARKM | Arkham |
| 8 |  |
 |
+20% | 68% | 0 | 44.1M | 700 | LINA | Linear Finance |
| 9 |  |
 |
+23% | 31% | 2.35 | 94.1M | 708 | BAR | FC Barcelona Fan Token |
| 10 |  |
 |
+26% | 0 | 29.3M | 754 | TROY | TROY | |
| 11 |  |
 |
-1% | 6.15 | 30.8M | 736 | OG | OG Fan Token | |
| 12 |  |
 |
+3% | 1.42 | 1.26B | 60 | OM | MANTRA | |
| 13 |  |
 |
+1% | 98% | 0.02 | 949M | 73 | JASMY | JasmyCoin |
| 14 |  |
 |
+5% | 49% | 0.02 | 376M | 252 | SUN | Sun [New] |
| 15 |  |
 |
-1% | 95% | 1.76 | 17.6M | 877 | UNFI | Unifi Protocol DAO |
| 16 |  |
 |
+3% | 48% | 1.36 | 1.36B | 103 | SUPER | SuperVerse |
| 17 |  |
 |
+9% | 38% | 0.44 | 877M | 157 | ID | SPACE ID |
| 18 |  |
 |
+1% | 0.47 | 201M | 249 | STORJ | Storj | |
| 19 |  |
 |
+2% | 43% | 0.9 | 1.9B | 82 | CORE | Core |
| 20 |  |
 |
+6% | 0.71 | 98.4M | 366 | CTK | Shentu | |
| 21 |  |
 |
+5% | 0.51 | 514M | 241 | YGG | Yield Guild Games | |
| 22 |  |
 |
+2% | 93% | 0.94 | 94.2M | 400 | LQTY | Liquity |
| 23 |  |
 |
+4% | 0.8 | 934M | 105 | AXL | Axelar | |
| 24 |  |
 |
51% | 1.1 | 198M | 354 | NAKA | Nakamoto Games | |
| 25 |  |
 |
+1% | 61.68 | 166M | 274 | TRB | Tellor | |
| 26 |  |
 |
+2% | 79% | 0.04 | 265M | 235 | SKL | SKALE |
| 27 |  |
 |
-2% | 0.25 | 157M | 282 | SXP | Solar | |
| 28 |  |
 |
+7% | 45.22 | 452M | 178 | METIS | Metis |
The crypto market is a beautiful disaster, like a train wreck in slow motion. You know it’s going to be bad, but you can’t look away. So, invest wisely, folks, or at least invest humorously. Because at the end of the day, it’s all just funny money…until it’s not. And then it’s just really, really sad. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to buy some Bitcoin with my Wendy’s dumpster savings. Wish me luck!