- BTC (Bitcoin)
- $74981.01: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
- King Bitcoin is flexing again. Up 1%? In this market, that’s like winning a staring contest with a goldfish. Slow and steady, but at least the poors might be able to afford half a satoshi soon
- ETH (Ethereum)
- $2818.90: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
- Ethereum, the perennial bridesmaid, is up 7% trying to catch that sweet BTC coattail. Maybe someday, little buddy. Meanwhile my INTC short position is getting sodomized.
- LDO (Lido DAO)
- $1.37: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
- Lido DAO, the dark horse of the race, surged a whopping 20% in 24 hours. Someone’s been hitting the hopium pipe pretty hard, but hey, who am I to judge?
- LINK (Chainlink)
- $12.28: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
- Ah, Chainlink, the oracle of the blockchain. Up 3%, not bad. It’s the chosen one, remember? Always inverse Cathie Wood’s TSLA trade and it was so predictable that Trump would win and that the stock market would rally.
Germany just sold 50,000 Bitcoins at $54,000… ONE BILLION DOLLAR mark in missed gains. Looks like someone’s about to get fired. Not only that but Trump just won the election and while private prison stocks are booming, Cathie Wood is dumping Tesla. Wonder what kind of cocktail she’s mixing now…
| Logo | 30D Change | 24H Change | Circulating | Price $ | Diluted Cap $ | Cap # | Symbol | Name | |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 0 |  |
 |
+20% | 1.37 | 1.37B | 63 | LDO | Lido DAO | |
| 1 |  |
 |
+10% | 86% | 1417.73 | 1.43B | 62 | MKR | Maker |
| 2 |  |
 |
+8% | 54% | 0.64 | 3.97B | 42 | MNT | Mantle |
| 3 |  |
 |
+7% | 0.57 | 5.71B | 39 | ARB | Arbitrum | |
| 4 |  |
 |
+7% | 2818.9 | 339B | 2 | ETH | Ethereum | |
| 5 |  |
 |
+7% | 2816 | 27.5B | 9762 | stETH | Lido Staked ETH | |
| 6 |  |
 |
+5% | 29% | 1.6 | 6.88B | 46 | OP | Optimism |
| 7 |  |
 |
+3% | 70% | 19.93 | 4.2B | 29 | ETC | Ethereum Classic |
| 8 |  |
 |
+3% | 12.28 | 12.3B | 14 | LINK | Chainlink | |
| 9 |  |
 |
+3% | 77% | 0.37 | 16.7B | 10 | ADA | Cardano |
| 10 |  |
 |
+3% | 9.69 | 10.9B | 23 | APT | Aptos | |
| 11 |  |
 |
+2% | 0.34 | 3.38B | 77 | MATIC | Polygon | |
| 12 |  |
 |
+2% | 40 | 12B | 36 | OKB | OKB | |
| 13 |  |
 |
+2% | 56% | 0.55 | 55B | 7 | XRP | XRP |
| 14 |  |
 |
+2% | 56% | 26.79 | 19.2B | 13 | AVAX | Avalanche |
| 15 |  |
 |
+2% | 3.71 | 7.26B | 41 | FIL | Filecoin | |
| 16 |  |
 |
+2% | 4.87 | 24.9B | 11 | TON | Toncoin | |
| 17 |  |
 |
+1% | 594.48 | 85.7B | 5 | BNB | BNB | |
| 18 |  |
 |
+1% | 74979.6 | 4.9B | 9770 | BTCB | Bitcoin BEP2 | |
| 19 |  |
 |
+1% | 94% | 74981 | 1.57T | 1 | BTC | Bitcoin |
| 20 |  |
 |
+1% | 74875.8 | 11B | 9765 | WBTC | Wrapped Bitcoin | |
| 21 |  |
 |
+1% | 59% | 0.1 | 4.9B | 31 | XLM | Stellar |
| 22 |  |
 |
+1% | 94% | 376.6 | 7.91B | 15 | BCH | Bitcoin Cash |
| 23 |  |
 |
+1% | 89% | 70.7 | 5.94B | 21 | LTC | Litecoin |
| 24 |  |
 |
+1% | 187.34 | 110B | 4 | SOL | Solana | |
| 25 |  |
 |
81% | 61.88 | 921M | 92 | QNT | Quant | |
| 26 |  |
 |
4.5 | 1.76B | 50 | ATOM | Cosmos | ||
| 27 |  |
 |
7.7 | 4.04B | 26 | ICP | Internet Computer | ||
| 28 |  |
 |
93% | 0.02 | 1.88B | 51 | VET | VeChain |
So, the crypto market is basically a casino run by monkeys on typewriters. It’s chaotic, unpredictable, and occasionally hilarious. Don’t invest what you can’t afford to set on fire. And remember, never trust a smiling cat. Especially in crypto.