- BONK (Bonk)
- $0.00: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
- I’m not saying Bonk is going to the moon, but its 24-hour volume is almost a billion dollars. Either this is genius or collective insanity. My money’s on the latter, but hey, I’ve been wrong before. Remember when I bought Beanie Babies? (Disclaimer: I didn’t actually buy Beanie Babies. I was more of a Pogs guy.)
- TRB (Tellor)
- $81.79: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
- Tellor pumped 43% in 24 hours. Is it because it sounds vaguely like ’teller,’ and grandpas trust tellers? More research needed (aka, more Reddit scrolling). However, even with the boom the coin didn’t break into the top 200, as it’s currently ranked #252. Ouch!
- ORDI (ORDI)
- $42.53: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
- ORDI… what is it good for? Absolutely nothing, say it again. Except, maybe, making money? Up 6% today, but honestly, I’m just impressed it has a circulating percentage of 100%. Participation trophies for everyone!
- PEOPLE (ConstitutionDAO)
- $0.07: ⭐
- ConstitutionDAO? More like ConsternationDAO. This coin is about as lively as a civics class on a Friday afternoon. It’s down but so is the stock market. Did the US government just rug pull us all?
- ARKM (Arkham)
- $2.23: ⭐⭐⭐
- Arkham, like the asylum, is probably where you’ll end up if you keep chasing these meme coins. Just kidding (mostly). Down 1%, but at least the name is cool, right?
Bitcoin briefly touched $80,000 today, sending Reddit into a frenzy. Apparently, even grandpas are calling their banks asking about Bitcoin. Is this the top? Is this the bottom? Who the hell knows, but it’s entertaining as hell. While Bitcoin flirted with the BOOBIES number ($80081.35), some altcoins are quietly making moves. Let’s dive into the data, but remember, don’t blame me if your portfolio looks like a dumpster fire after this.
| Logo | 30D Change | 24H Change | Circulating | Price $ | Diluted Cap $ | Cap # | Symbol | Name | |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 0 |  |
 |
+43% | 81.79 | 220M | 252 | TRB | Tellor | |
| 1 |  |
 |
+7% | 0 | 2.31B | 53 | BONK | Bonk | |
| 2 |  |
 |
+6% | 100% | 42.53 | 893M | 86 | ORDI | ORDI |
| 3 |  |
 |
+2% | 0.07 | 344M | 165 | PEOPLE | ConstitutionDAO | |
| 4 |  |
 |
+39% | 0.04 | 255M | 318 | SNT | Status | |
| 5 |  |
 |
89% | 1.46 | 3.98B | 29 | FET | Artificial Superintelligence Alliance | |
| 6 |  |
 |
-1% | 22% | 2.23 | 2.23B | 133 | ARKM | Arkham |
| 7 |  |
 |
-2% | 5.49 | 1.42B | 85 | PENDLE | Pendle | |
| 8 |  |
 |
+5% | 78% | 0 | 545M | 144 | BabyDoge | Baby Doge Coin |
| 9 |  |
 |
+2% | 98% | 0.02 | 1.11B | 72 | JASMY | JasmyCoin |
| 10 |  |
 |
-7% | 5.4 | 3B | 62 | RAY | Raydium | |
| 11 |  |
 |
+4% | 94% | 1.04 | 104M | 403 | LQTY | Liquity |
| 12 |  |
 |
+18% | 80% | 0.18 | 34.5M | 772 | ALPACA | Alpaca Finance |
| 13 |  |
 |
+2% | 43% | 1 | 2.09B | 83 | CORE | Core |
| 14 |  |
 |
-1% | 0.01 | 654M | 116 | CKB | Nervos Network | |
| 15 |  |
 |
+27% | 0.03 | 66.1M | 557 | META | Metadium | |
| 16 |  |
 |
+3% | 38% | 0.46 | 914M | 161 | ID | SPACE ID |
| 17 |  |
 |
+7% | 1.48 | 148M | 387 | HIGH | Highstreet | |
| 18 |  |
 |
+1% | 0.38 | 453M | 192 | LUNA | Terra | |
| 19 |  |
 |
0.02 | 195M | 326 | USTC | TerraClassicUSD | ||
| 20 |  |
 |
+1% | 38% | 0.53 | 527M | 259 | YGG | Yield Guild Games |
| 21 |  |
 |
-4% | 20% | 0.33 | 329M | 516 | STG | Stargate Finance |
| 22 |  |
 |
-4% | 1.38 | 1.23B | 69 | OM | MANTRA | |
| 23 |  |
 |
+7% | 0.01 | 51.2M | 617 | TROY | TROY | |
| 24 |  |
 |
-12% | 0 | 135M | 383 | SPELL | Spell Token | |
| 25 |  |
 |
+3% | 0.55 | 102M | 389 | ARK | Ark | |
| 26 |  |
 |
+3% | 18% | 4.76 | 143M | 787 | SANTOS | Santos FC Fan Token |
| 27 |  |
 |
+7% | 2.69 | 328M | 239 | UMA | UMA | |
| 28 |  |
 |
0.31 | 195M | 267 | SXP | Solar |
So, there you have it, folks. The crypto market is a chaotic mess of meme coins, boomer FOMO, and questionable financial decisions. But hey, at least we’re all in this dumpster fire together. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to check my Beanie Baby collection. (Disclaimer: Still don’t have one.)