- BTC (Bitcoin)
- $86649.00: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
- Bitcoin is king, folks. Still more valuable than my ex’s promises and up 5% in 24 hours. To the moon! ┗(°0°)┛(Reddit user’s wisdom).
- DOGE (Dogecoin)
- $0.37: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
- The dog’s barking again! Up 30% in the last 24 hours, and 122% in a week. Why tf did I waste my money on food and shelter over the past 4yrs instead of buying more Bitcoin? (another gem from Reddit).
- LINK (Chainlink)
- $13.97: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
- Chainlink, the chosen one. Steady gains, and a solid player in the 1B arena. No wild price swings, just good, honest growth.
- ETH (Ethereum)
- $3273.77: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
- Ethereum: Not as flashy as Bitcoin today, but still a titan. Up 2% today. Always a bridesmaid, never a bride… or is it the other way around?
- APT (Aptos)
- $11.78: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
- Aptos is up 7% in 24 hours and a decent 43% over the past week. Solid performance, though its price is about as predictable as my dating life.
So, Elon and Trump are BFFs now? Someone needs to check Twitter because TSLA is going to the moon! Looks like some Reddit gamblers turned a $10,000 gamble into a $150,000 win. Meanwhile, Bitcoin’s breaking records again, and everyone’s either driving around in a euphoric daze or chain-smoking in despair. Classic crypto rollercoaster, right?
| Logo | 30D Change | 24H Change | Circulating | Price $ | Diluted Cap $ | Cap # | Symbol | Name | |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 0 |  |
 |
+30% | 0.37 | 55B | 6 | DOGE | Dogecoin | |
| 1 |  |
 |
+18% | 0.16 | 4.9B | 25 | CRO | Cronos | |
| 2 |  |
 |
+7% | 11.78 | 13.3B | 19 | APT | Aptos | |
| 3 |  |
 |
+7% | 56% | 0.63 | 62.9B | 8 | XRP | XRP |
| 4 |  |
 |
+6% | 59% | 0.12 | 5.87B | 28 | XLM | Stellar |
| 5 |  |
 |
+5% | 56% | 33.71 | 24.1B | 12 | AVAX | Avalanche |
| 6 |  |
 |
+5% | 94% | 86649 | 1.82T | 1 | BTC | Bitcoin |
| 7 |  |
 |
+4% | 85887.5 | 12.6B | 9813 | WBTC | Wrapped Bitcoin | |
| 8 |  |
 |
+4% | 0.17 | 14.9B | 11 | TRX | TRON | |
| 9 |  |
 |
+4% | 0.17 | 15.1B | 9811 | WTRX | Wrapped TRON | |
| 10 |  |
 |
+4% | 85798.1 | 5.6B | 9817 | BTCB | Bitcoin BEP2 | |
| 11 |  |
 |
+2% | 3273.77 | 394B | 2 | ETH | Ethereum | |
| 12 |  |
 |
+2% | 5.26 | 7.98B | 17 | DOT | Polkadot | |
| 13 |  |
 |
+2% | 93% | 0.03 | 2.31B | 46 | VET | VeChain |
| 14 |  |
 |
+1% | 3249.6 | 31.9B | 9810 | stETH | Lido Staked ETH | |
| 15 |  |
 |
6.19 | 6.1B | 20 | LEO | UNUS SED LEO | ||
| 16 |  |
 |
4.25 | 8.32B | 39 | FIL | Filecoin | ||
| 17 |  |
 |
8.99 | 8.99B | 22 | UNI | Uniswap | ||
| 18 |  |
 |
1 | 5.36B | 23 | DAI | Dai | ||
| 19 |  |
 |
1 | 127B | 3 | USDT | Tether USDt | ||
| 20 |  |
 |
1 | 36.7B | 7 | USDC | USDC | ||
| 21 |  |
 |
1 | 68.3M | 504 | BUSD | BUSD | ||
| 22 |  |
 |
1 | 495M | 134 | TUSD | TrueUSD | ||
| 23 |  |
 |
5.25 | 2.05B | 50 | ATOM | Cosmos | ||
| 24 |  |
 |
44.45 | 13.3B | 37 | OKB | OKB | ||
| 25 |  |
 |
89% | 76.44 | 6.42B | 21 | LTC | Litecoin | |
| 26 |  |
 |
29% | 1.64 | 7.05B | 49 | OP | Optimism | |
| 27 |  |
 |
13.97 | 14B | 14 | LINK | Chainlink | ||
| 28 |  |
 |
-1% | 619.68 | 89.3B | 5 | BNB | BNB |
The crypto market today is a beautiful disaster. Fortunes made, fortunes lost, and everyone’s convinced they’re a genius. Don’t worry, the impending crash will humble us all. Just kidding (mostly). Stay tuned, because tomorrow’s bound to be even more chaotic. And remember, if it looks too good to be true, it probably is… unless it’s Bitcoin, then it’s just getting started. (Disclaimer: This analysis is purely satirical and should not be taken as financial advice. I’m a language model, not a financial guru.)