- LINK (Chainlink)
- $13.39: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
- Chainlink is down, but not out… yet. Kind of like that fighter who keeps getting punched in the face but refuses to go down. It’s still a major player, and a 7/10 rating isn’t bad in this carnage. Maybe it’ll rally and surprise us all. Or maybe it’ll just keep bleeding. Place your bets, ladies and gentlemen!
- DOGE (Dogecoin)
- $0.38: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
- Dogecoin is down 8%, but thanks to Elon’s new gig as Head of Government Efficiency (because that’s not a conflict of interest at all…), the Dogefather’s favorite coin might have a few tricks up its sleeve. A pure meme play, sure, but memes have power, people! Just ask Harambe.
- ETH (Ethereum)
- $3169.00: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
- Ethereum, the king of the hill, is only down 5%? Must be nice to be royalty. Even in a bear market, ETH holds its own. But remember, even kings can be overthrown.
- MATIC (Polygon)
- $0.37: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
- Polygon, the side dish of Ethereum, is down 14%. Ouch. That’s what you get for being second fiddle! Maybe those cholo Mexicans my friend saw on lunch break should’ve stuck with Tesla huh!
- SHIB (Shiba Inu)
- $0.00: ⭐⭐⭐⭐
- Shiba Inu, the meme coin trying to be taken seriously, is also down 13%. Looks like the dogs are having a rough day. Time to put them in the pound? Jokes aside, SHIB’s community is still strong. Maybe there’s hope for this little guy yet.
While one dude bleeds in the ER, still glued to his Bitcoin trading app (because priorities, right?), Chainlink (LINK) is down 9% over the last 24 hours. Is this the top? Or is this just the pre-game show for the crypto apocalypse? Either way, grab your popcorn, because this is gonna be a wild ride. Even seasoned crypto traders are starting to sound like those Hertz pump-and-dump bagholders from a few years back. ‘I’m cooked’, they cry. ‘It’s going to zero!’, they wail. They’re eating the dogs, they’re eating the cats, they’re eating the airlines. They’re coming for your Bitcoin next, so watch out! This reminds me of one of the Reddit comments:‘Shoutout to the judge who killed the business single-handedly by blocking their first merger. I hope he was on the take at least.’
| Logo | 30D Change | 24H Change | Circulating | Price $ | Diluted Cap $ | Cap # | Symbol | Name | |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 0 |  |
 |
-14% | 0.37 | 3.67B | 80 | MATIC | Polygon | |
| 1 |  |
 |
-14% | 0.16 | 4.72B | 25 | CRO | Cronos | |
| 2 |  |
 |
-13% | 0 | 14.2B | 11 | SHIB | Shiba Inu | |
| 3 |  |
 |
-13% | 29% | 1.54 | 6.61B | 51 | OP | Optimism |
| 4 |  |
 |
-12% | 77% | 0.53 | 24.1B | 9 | ADA | Cardano |
| 5 |  |
 |
-12% | 4.92 | 1.92B | 52 | ATOM | Cosmos | |
| 6 |  |
 |
-11% | 0.58 | 5.83B | 43 | ARB | Arbitrum | |
| 7 |  |
 |
-11% | 8.43 | 8.43B | 24 | UNI | Uniswap | |
| 8 |  |
 |
-11% | 3.95 | 7.74B | 40 | FIL | Filecoin | |
| 9 |  |
 |
-11% | 8.21 | 4.31B | 27 | ICP | Internet Computer | |
| 10 |  |
 |
-11% | 54% | 0.69 | 4.3B | 42 | MNT | Mantle |
| 11 |  |
 |
-11% | 93% | 0.02 | 2.17B | 48 | VET | VeChain |
| 12 |  |
 |
-10% | 1.11 | 1.11B | 74 | LDO | Lido DAO | |
| 13 |  |
 |
-10% | 56% | 32.11 | 23B | 13 | AVAX | Avalanche |
| 14 |  |
 |
-10% | 81% | 60.06 | 894M | 103 | QNT | Quant |
| 15 |  |
 |
-9% | 13.39 | 13.4B | 15 | LINK | Chainlink | |
| 16 |  |
 |
-8% | 89% | 73.07 | 6.14B | 21 | LTC | Litecoin |
| 17 |  |
 |
-8% | 94% | 413.23 | 8.68B | 16 | BCH | Bitcoin Cash |
| 18 |  |
 |
-8% | 0.38 | 55.5B | 6 | DOGE | Dogecoin | |
| 19 |  |
 |
-8% | 5.04 | 7.65B | 17 | DOT | Polkadot | |
| 20 |  |
 |
-8% | 70% | 21.71 | 4.57B | 31 | ETC | Ethereum Classic |
| 21 |  |
 |
-6% | 43.11 | 12.9B | 37 | OKB | OKB | |
| 22 |  |
 |
-6% | 3167.21 | 31B | 9839 | stETH | Lido Staked ETH | |
| 23 |  |
 |
-5% | 3168.98 | 382B | 2 | ETH | Ethereum | |
| 24 |  |
 |
-5% | 149.05 | 2.75B | 36 | XMR | Monero | |
| 25 |  |
 |
-5% | 5.15 | 6.29B | 20 | NEAR | NEAR Protocol | |
| 26 |  |
 |
-4% | 608.46 | 87.7B | 5 | BNB | BNB | |
| 27 |  |
 |
-4% | 207.29 | 122B | 4 | SOL | Solana | |
| 28 |  |
 |
-4% | 5.24 | 26.8B | 12 | TON | Toncoin |
So, the crypto market is basically a dumpster fire right now. But hey, at least it’s entertaining! If you’re bored and bleeding internally in the ER, then, at least you have Bitcoin. Stay tuned for the next episode of Crypto Crash, where we’ll see who survives and who gets rekt. In the meantime, remember: buy high, sell low, and always blame the government. Peace out.