- LINK (Chainlink)
- $14.85: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
- LINK, up a whole 1%? In this market, that’s like winning the lottery while your house is on fire. You’re still homeless, but at least you can afford a slightly nicer dumpster. Congrats, Chainlink, you magnificent oracle of mediocrity.
- HBAR (Hedera)
- $0.12: ⭐⭐⭐
- HBAR’s down 12% in 24 hours? Must have gotten caught in the MSTR/MARA Bitcoin black hole. Don’t worry, HBAR, even black holes eventually evaporate. Maybe you’ll come out the other side as a slightly more valuable… something.
- SOL (Solana)
- $237.99: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
- Solana, you sly dog, only down 1%? That’s practically a bull run in this wasteland. Are you finally learning how to not break every five minutes? Don’t celebrate just yet – the next software update is probably just around the corner.
- ETH (Ethereum)
- $3124.49: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
- Ethereum, the OG smart contract platform, is holding relatively steady. Probably because everyone’s too busy trying to figure out if MSTR’s infinite money glitch will work for them too. Don’t look now, ETH, but the IRS is probably eyeing those staking rewards…
- XRP (XRP)
- $1.1: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
- XRP, the SEC’s favorite punching bag, is up 1%. Must be feeling nostalgic for the good old days when its biggest problem was regulatory uncertainty. Buckle up, XRP, the crypto clown show is just getting started.
Remember that WSB post about MicroStrategy (MSTR) and Marathon Digital (MARA) gobbling up Bitcoin like it’s going out of style? Well, guess what? The market’s not impressed. While Bitcoin briefly grazed the sun at $92k (thanks to some brave souls buying the dip, bless their cotton socks), our 1B cryptos are shivering in the shade. Turns out, infinite money glitches might not be so infinite after all. Chainlink (LINK), the darling of decentralized oracles, is up 1% – because when everything’s crashing, knowing why it’s crashing is at least worth something.
| Logo | 30D Change | 24H Change | Circulating | Price $ | Diluted Cap $ | Cap # | Symbol | Name | |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 0 |  |
 |
-12% | 75% | 0.12 | 6.17B | 27 | HBAR | Hedera |
| 1 |  |
 |
-12% | 0.12 | 6.18B | 10019 | WHBAR | Wrapped HBAR | |
| 2 |  |
 |
-2% | 0.2 | 17.4B | 9935 | WTRX | Wrapped TRON | |
| 3 |  |
 |
-2% | 5.45 | 27.9B | 13 | TON | Toncoin | |
| 4 |  |
 |
-2% | 0.2 | 17.2B | 10 | TRX | TRON | |
| 5 |  |
 |
-1% | 237.99 | 140B | 4 | SOL | Solana | |
| 6 |  |
 |
-1% | 89% | 86.43 | 7.26B | 23 | LTC | Litecoin |
| 7 |  |
 |
9.17 | 9.17B | 24 | UNI | Uniswap | ||
| 8 |  |
 |
0 | 14.5B | 12 | SHIB | Shiba Inu | ||
| 9 |  |
 |
1.18 | 1.18B | 81 | LDO | Lido DAO | ||
| 10 |  |
 |
94% | 443.45 | 9.31B | 17 | BCH | Bitcoin Cash | |
| 11 |  |
 |
614.42 | 88.5B | 5 | BNB | BNB | ||
| 12 |  |
 |
1 | 5.36B | 25 | DAI | Dai | ||
| 13 |  |
 |
44.09 | 13.2B | 42 | OKB | OKB | ||
| 14 |  |
 |
1 | 37.5B | 8 | USDC | USDC | ||
| 15 |  |
 |
1 | 131B | 3 | USDT | Tether USDt | ||
| 16 |  |
 |
1 | 496M | 140 | TUSD | TrueUSD | ||
| 17 |  |
 |
1 | 68.4M | 530 | BUSD | BUSD | ||
| 18 |  |
 |
71% | 26.13 | 5.51B | 32 | ETC | Ethereum Classic | |
| 19 |  |
 |
9.32 | 4.9B | 28 | ICP | Internet Computer | ||
| 20 |  |
 |
3124.49 | 376B | 2 | ETH | Ethereum | ||
| 21 |  |
 |
3123.52 | 30.6B | 9934 | stETH | Lido Staked ETH | ||
| 22 |  |
 |
5.83 | 7.11B | 21 | NEAR | NEAR Protocol | ||
| 23 |  |
 |
+1% | 14.85 | 14.9B | 15 | LINK | Chainlink | |
| 24 |  |
 |
+1% | 87% | 1506.71 | 1.52B | 70 | MKR | Maker |
| 25 |  |
 |
+1% | 56% | 1.1 | 110B | 6 | XRP | XRP |
| 26 |  |
 |
+1% | 81% | 88.25 | 1.31B | 77 | QNT | Quant |
| 27 |  |
 |
+1% | 159.14 | 2.94B | 38 | XMR | Monero | |
| 28 |  |
 |
+1% | 0.7 | 7.03B | 39 | ARB | Arbitrum |
The crypto market is like a reality TV show – full of drama, questionable decisions, and the occasional unexpected winner. So grab your popcorn, place your bets, and remember, not even diamond hands can stop a black hole (or a private equity firm). Tune in next week to see who survives the next episode of Crypto Catastrophe!