- BTCB (Bitcoin BEP2)
- $102697.35: ⭐⭐⭐⭐
- Bitcoin on a diet? Still expensive, but hey, at least it’s not the actual Bitcoin. This is like the off-brand version of a Lambo - still flashy, but you know it’s not the real deal. Maybe your Uber driver should consider diversifying?
- BUSD (BUSD)
- $1.01: ⭐⭐
- Stablecoins, the cockroaches of the crypto world. They survive everything, even a nuclear apocalypse… or a crypto winter. I hear even the recently assassinated health insurance CEO parked his cash here… before, you know…the incident.”
- MKR (Maker)
- $2248.15: ⭐⭐⭐
- Down 6%? That’s rookie numbers in this market. It’s been down worse than an Uber driver’s portfolio after taking a wrong turn into Wendy’s. I’m sure someone on WallStreetBets is already planning a “calls on MKR funerals” strategy.
- CRO (Cronos)
- $0.21: ⭐
- Up 6%? In this market? Must be a glitch. This is like finding a $20 bill in your pocket after you’ve lost your life savings on speculative meme stocks and now desperately seeking financial help from a life coach.”
- LTC (Litecoin)
- $130.10: ⭐⭐
- Litecoin, the forgotten stepchild of Bitcoin. Still holding on, but let’s be honest, nobody really cares. The only people that use it are those who can’t even afford to buy one whole Bitcoin. It’s like the Bitcoin of poor people, or should I say Bitcoin for Uber drivers.
Remember that Reddit post about the Uber driver checking his portfolio and it being blood red? That’s the crypto market in a nutshell today, folks. Especially if your Uber driver was heavily invested in anything other than Bitcoin. Speaking of which, looks like someone’s prediction of Bitcoin hitting $100k finally came true! Good for them, but I bet they’re still down 90% from their initial “investment”. Oh, and the health insurance CEO? Definitely priced in. Just like the impending doom of most altcoins.
| Logo | 30D Change | 24H Change | Circulating | Price $ | Diluted Cap $ | Cap # | Symbol | Name | |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 0 |  |
 |
1.01 | 68.7M | 621 | BUSD | BUSD | ||
| 1 |  |
 |
1.01 | 499M | 181 | TUSD | TrueUSD | ||
| 2 |  |
 |
-6% | 88% | 2248.15 | 2.26B | 68 | MKR | Maker |
| 3 |  |
 |
81% | 146.61 | 2.18B | 75 | QNT | Quant | |
| 4 |  |
 |
+5% | 2.19 | 2.19B | 69 | LDO | Lido DAO | |
| 5 |  |
 |
199.6 | 3.68B | 45 | XMR | Monero | ||
| 6 |  |
 |
-3% | 9.76 | 3.82B | 42 | ATOM | Cosmos | |
| 7 |  |
 |
1 | 5.37B | 31 | DAI | Dai | ||
| 8 |  |
 |
+1% | 93% | 0.07 | 6.2B | 28 | VET | VeChain |
| 9 |  |
 |
+6% | 0.21 | 6.4B | 29 | CRO | Cronos | |
| 10 |  |
 |
+5% | 54% | 1.06 | 6.56B | 47 | MNT | Mantle |
| 11 |  |
 |
+6% | 102697 | 6.71B | 10152 | BTCB | Bitcoin BEP2 | |
| 12 |  |
 |
0.71 | 7.13B | 95 | MATIC | Polygon | ||
| 13 |  |
 |
-2% | 14.22 | 7.49B | 26 | ICP | Internet Computer | |
| 14 |  |
 |
+1% | 71% | 36.8 | 7.75B | 30 | ETC | Ethereum Classic |
| 15 |  |
 |
-4% | 9.16 | 9.03B | 24 | LEO | UNUS SED LEO | |
| 16 |  |
 |
+2% | 7.6 | 9.3B | 21 | NEAR | NEAR Protocol | |
| 17 |  |
 |
89% | 130.1 | 10.9B | 20 | LTC | Litecoin | |
| 18 |  |
 |
29% | 2.58 | 11.1B | 51 | OP | Optimism | |
| 19 |  |
 |
+3% | 1.14 | 11.4B | 37 | ARB | Arbitrum | |
| 20 |  |
 |
+6% | 94% | 612.12 | 12.9B | 17 | BCH | Bitcoin Cash |
| 21 |  |
 |
+5% | 102087 | 14.1B | 10148 | WBTC | Wrapped Bitcoin | |
| 22 |  |
 |
-6% | 76% | 0.3 | 15.2B | 18 | HBAR | Hedera |
| 23 |  |
 |
-7% | 0.3 | 15.2B | 10227 | WHBAR | Wrapped HBAR | |
| 24 |  |
 |
15.39 | 15.4B | 22 | UNI | Uniswap | ||
| 25 |  |
 |
+2% | 8.08 | 15.8B | 34 | FIL | Filecoin | |
| 26 |  |
 |
-2% | 14.09 | 15.9B | 25 | APT | Aptos | |
| 27 |  |
 |
+6% | 10.73 | 16.4B | 14 | DOT | Polkadot | |
| 28 |  |
 |
-3% | 58.29 | 17.5B | 48 | OKB | OKB |
So, there you have it, folks. The crypto market, still volatile, still irrational, and still a great source of dark humor. If anyone needs me, I’ll be over here shorting everything except stablecoins and Bitcoin and taking notes from the guy who posted ‘I’ve lost it all’ on WSB because, frankly, he sounds like he knows what’s up. Don’t forget to take live picture of yourself, Robinhood is watching!