- BITCOIN (HarryPotterObamaSonic10Inu (ERC-20))
- $0.27: ⭐⭐⭐⭐
- With a name like HarryPotterObamaSonic10Inu, this coin has either won the internet or lost its mind. It’s up 10% in 24 hours, which means either someone accidentally added a zero or magic is real. My money’s on magic. Also, should we tell them that Bitcoin and HarryPotterObamaSonic10Inu aren’t exactly the same thing? Nah, let them have their fun.
- ORDI (ORDI)
- $47.07: ⭐⭐⭐
- ORDI’s price took a 1% dip, which in crypto terms is like getting a paper cut when you’re expecting a decapitation. But let’s be honest, even with the dip, it’s still more valuable than my collection of Beanie Babies. Although I’d argue the Beanie Babies have a brighter future…and fur.
- ARKM (Arkham)
- $2.36: ⭐⭐
- Arkham is down 1%. Yawn. So basically, it’s following the market trend of, well, existing. Maybe next week, you’ll make enough to buy a used fidget spinner. Look at the bright side though; it’s probably a tax write-off.
- WBETH (Wrapped Beacon ETH)
- $4071.57: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
- Wrapped Beacon ETH is making moves like a gazelle being chased by a cheetah on roller skates – it’s up 4%! If you’re not already on this rocket, honey, you’re missing the moon. Although, given how volatile crypto is, that moon might be made of cheese and about to explode.
- BONK (Bonk)
- $0.00: ⭐
- Bonk. The name says it all. Down 1%, because of course it is. It’s crypto’s version of that friend who always borrows money and then ‘forgets’ to pay you back. Next time, they should just name it, “Gonek.”
So, an insurance CEO gets iced, and guess what? UnitedHealthcare’s stock price does the cha-cha. Coincidence? Maybe. But while Wall Street bets on funeral homes, the cryptosphere is celebrating Bitcoin cracking $100k! This begs the question: is it bullish when your CEO gets capped? Or is it just another day in late-stage capitalism?
| Logo | 30D Change | 24H Change | Circulating | Price $ | Diluted Cap $ | Cap # | Symbol | Name | |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 0 |  |
 |
-1% | 22% | 2.36 | 2.36B | 165 | ARKM | Arkham |
| 1 |  |
 |
+2% | 0.05 | 5.17M | 1448 | BRICK | r/FortNiteBR Bricks | |
| 2 |  |
 |
+4% | 100% | 8.81 | 8.81M | 1263 | UNIBOT | UniBot |
| 3 |  |
 |
50% | 0.32 | 32.5M | 1060 | STT | Statter Network | |
| 4 |  |
 |
29% | 0.63 | 635M | 343 | NTRN | Neutron | |
| 5 |  |
 |
-1% | 63% | 0 | 14M | 1260 | BAD | Bad Idea AI |
| 6 |  |
 |
96% | 0.01 | 618M | 210 | SNEK | Snek | |
| 7 |  |
 |
+10% | 0.27 | 269M | 287 | BITCOIN | HarryPotterObamaSonic10Inu (ERC-20) | |
| 8 |  |
 |
-1% | 100% | 47.07 | 988M | 117 | ORDI | ORDI |
| 9 |  |
 |
+3% | 82% | 0 | 96.7M | 578 | LADYS | Milady Meme Coin |
| 10 |  |
 |
+4% | 4071.57 | 7B | 10147 | WBETH | Wrapped Beacon ETH | |
| 11 |  |
 |
+3% | 34% | 0.74 | 741M | 296 | EDU | Open Campus |
| 12 |  |
 |
0 | 70.4M | 638 | AIDOGE | ArbDoge AI | ||
| 13 |  |
 |
+42% | 0 | 64.2K | 2651 | PLAY | Play Token | |
| 14 |  |
 |
+6% | 0.25 | 738M | 297 | AGI | Delysium | |
| 15 |  |
 |
+6% | 0.01 | 135M | 467 | SDEX | SmarDex | |
| 16 |  |
 |
+2% | 0.15 | 154M | 1063 | UNS | UNS TOKEN | |
| 17 |  |
 |
+11% | 0.08 | 68.5M | 636 | NXRA | Nexera | |
| 18 |  |
 |
0.09 | 9.17M | 1270 | OPTI | Optimus AI | ||
| 19 |  |
 |
+12% | 4% | 0 | 40.9M | 1809 | HVH | HAVAH |
| 20 |  |
 |
+5% | 77% | 0.01 | 11.2M | 1271 | IMGNAI | imgnAI |
| 21 |  |
 |
+6% | 44% | 1.65 | 3.46B | 86 | CORE | Core |
| 22 |  |
 |
-3% | 32% | 0.01 | 118M | 803 | GFAL | Games for a Living |
| 23 |  |
 |
27% | 0 | 65.3M | 1025 | NEXA | Nexa | |
| 24 |  |
 |
+24% | 86% | 0.38 | 381M | 256 | 0x0 | 0x0.ai |
| 25 |  |
 |
-7% | 0.03 | 16.8M | 1054 | TOMI | tomi | |
| 26 |  |
 |
-4% | 0.01 | 1.15M | 1957 | GRV | Grove Coin | |
| 27 |  |
 |
-1% | 81% | 0 | 3.9B | 53 | BONK | Bonk |
| 28 |  |
 |
+7% | 58% | 0 | 27.6M | 1071 | RXD | Radiant |
The crypto market is like a rollercoaster designed by a sadist – thrilling, terrifying, and likely to make you puke. If you’re not diversified, you’re not diversified. Buckle up, buttercup, because this ride is far from over. In the meantime, I’m accepting applications for my new cult: The Church of the Diamond-Handed HODLers. No experience necessary, just a willingness to lose all your money with a smile.