- WBETH (Wrapped Beacon ETH)
- $3946.08: ⭐⭐
- WBETH: At $3946, is this Wrapped Beacon ETH or a wrapped-up bundle of regret? It exists. That’s about all I can say. Reminds me of that time I found a half-eaten McRib under my car seat. Technically food, but you’d rather not think about it.
- ORDI (ORDI)
- $37.79: ⭐⭐⭐
- ORDI: This ain’t your grandma’s Bitcoin. At $37.79, with a -19% dip, ORDI is like a Kardashian’s dating history - volatile and probably ending in tears.
- ARKM (Arkham)
- $1.95: ⭐
- ARKM: At $1.95, ARKM dropped 15%. It’s not a plunge, it’s free-falling off the Empire State Building with a faulty parachute. You know, like when the ice cream machine at McDonald’s breaks down on a hot summer day - disappointing and inevitable.
- BITCOIN (HarryPotterObamaSonic10Inu (ERC-20))
- $0.24: ⭐
- BITCOIN: HarryPotterObamaSonic10Inu (ERC-20) - the name alone is a red flag. The price? $0.24. It’s like the crypto equivalent of that “mystery meat” in the school cafeteria. Approach with caution (or a hazmat suit).
- BONK (Bonk)
- $0.00: ⭐⭐
- BONK: Down -14%, BONK investors are making that “welp, I’m done with options” face. Someone just lost their Wendy’s fry cook job thanks to this.
While some WSB degens are yolo-ing their last $8 on 0DTE SPY calls (RIP their Wendy’s career prospects), Bitcoin whales are playing a different game. One just inhaled 1850 BTC like it’s a McChicken. MSTR keeps buying like their life depends on it because it kinda does. Speaking of life-altering decisions, is buying Bitcoin via MSTR the financial equivalent of ordering a Big Mac and getting two pizzas instead?
| Logo | 30D Change | 24H Change | Circulating | Price $ | Diluted Cap $ | Cap # | Symbol | Name | |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 0 |  |
 |
-15% | 22% | 1.95 | 1.95B | 180 | ARKM | Arkham |
| 1 |  |
 |
-5% | 0.04 | 4.88M | 1461 | BRICK | r/FortNiteBR Bricks | |
| 2 |  |
 |
-10% | 100% | 7.69 | 7.69M | 1311 | UNIBOT | UniBot |
| 3 |  |
 |
-15% | 50% | 0.34 | 34.2M | 1031 | STT | Statter Network |
| 4 |  |
 |
-16% | 30% | 0.51 | 508M | 377 | NTRN | Neutron |
| 5 |  |
 |
-7% | 63% | 0 | 13M | 1291 | BAD | Bad Idea AI |
| 6 |  |
 |
-8% | 96% | 0.01 | 522M | 215 | SNEK | Snek |
| 7 |  |
 |
-7% | 0.24 | 242M | 289 | BITCOIN | HarryPotterObamaSonic10Inu (ERC-20) | |
| 8 |  |
 |
-19% | 100% | 37.79 | 794M | 124 | ORDI | ORDI |
| 9 |  |
 |
-17% | 82% | 0 | 83.8M | 589 | LADYS | Milady Meme Coin |
| 10 |  |
 |
-4% | 3946.08 | 6.79B | 10096 | WBETH | Wrapped Beacon ETH | |
| 11 |  |
 |
-15% | 34% | 0.62 | 617M | 310 | EDU | Open Campus |
| 12 |  |
 |
-14% | 0 | 72M | 614 | AIDOGE | ArbDoge AI | |
| 13 |  |
 |
+6% | 0 | 136K | 2538 | PLAY | Play Token | |
| 14 |  |
 |
-12% | 0.2 | 609M | 314 | AGI | Delysium | |
| 15 |  |
 |
-6% | 0.01 | 127M | 462 | SDEX | SmarDex | |
| 16 |  |
 |
0.15 | 154M | 1044 | UNS | UNS TOKEN | ||
| 17 |  |
 |
-2% | 0.06 | 53.8M | 685 | NXRA | Nexera | |
| 18 |  |
 |
0.09 | 9.07M | 1270 | OPTI | Optimus AI | ||
| 19 |  |
 |
-11% | 4% | 0 | 41.6M | 1785 | HVH | HAVAH |
| 20 |  |
 |
77% | 0.01 | 14.8M | 1166 | IMGNAI | imgnAI | |
| 21 |  |
 |
-17% | 44% | 1.22 | 2.55B | 103 | CORE | Core |
| 22 |  |
 |
-8% | 32% | 0.01 | 98.4M | 847 | GFAL | Games for a Living |
| 23 |  |
 |
-13% | 27% | 0 | 54M | 1073 | NEXA | Nexa |
| 24 |  |
 |
-4% | 86% | 0.38 | 379M | 241 | 0x0 | 0x0.ai |
| 25 |  |
 |
-12% | 0.02 | 15M | 1086 | TOMI | tomi | |
| 26 |  |
 |
-4% | 0.01 | 1.09M | 1978 | GRV | Grove Coin | |
| 27 |  |
 |
-14% | 81% | 0 | 3.55B | 53 | BONK | Bonk |
| 28 |  |
 |
-10% | 58% | 0 | 22.5M | 1122 | RXD | Radiant |
Crypto today? It’s like trying to trade options during a UNH CEO shooting investigation – chaotic, unpredictable, and slightly concerning. In other words, business as usual. Remember kids, it’s not a loss if you don’t sell… until it is. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to short McDonald’s.