- SHIB (Shiba Inu)
- $0.00: ā
- JPow deep-fried my portfolio like some Popeyes chicken. My Shiba Inu holdings are worth less than a used napkin behind Wendy’s. At least I’m not alone, thanks to those crying-handy WSB degens. Maybe I should offer handies for Bitcoin? š
- MKR (Maker)
- $1696.32: āāā
- Maker’s holding relatively steady, like that one dude’s mom who likes everyone. But in this market, ‘steady’ is just a slower descent into the abyss. Maybe I should learn to code and join the AI gold rush before the Feds mandate RTO and we all die in traffic accidents. š¤·āāļø
- BUSD (BUSD)
- $1.00: āāāāā
- Stablecoins are the only sane thing in this insane clown market. BUSD’s chilling like a villain, watching the world burn. I’m buying BUSD. Mommy, chill. š»š
- CRO (Cronos)
- $0.18: āā
- Cronos is down, but hey, at least it’s not SHIB. Small victories, right? I’m putting on my girlfriend (imaginary, of course, because puts on girlfriends is all I can afford).
- LTC (Litecoin)
- $108.46: āāāā
- Litecoin’s taking a hit, but it’s been through worse. It will be green tomorrow at the open, right guys? š This is just another Wednesday for my perpetually red portfolio. ššš¤¦āāļø
Looks like even crypto portfolios are feeling the JPow pain! Just like those Redditors mourning their decimated stock holdings, we’re staring down the barrel of a bloodbath in the 1B fully diluted market cap zone. Remember that ‘Return to Work’ fiasco at Amazon? Yeah, well, this market’s making me want to return to bed and cry. š
| Logo | 30D Change | 24H Change | Circulating | Price $ | Diluted Cap $ | Cap # | Symbol | Name | |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 0 |  |
 |
1 | 68.3M | 571 | BUSD | BUSD | ||
| 1 |  |
 |
1 | 496M | 153 | TUSD | TrueUSD | ||
| 2 |  |
 |
-1% | 88% | 1696.32 | 1.71B | 69 | MKR | Maker |
| 3 |  |
 |
-6% | 81% | 114.38 | 1.7B | 79 | QNT | Quant |
| 4 |  |
 |
-12% | 1.8 | 1.8B | 67 | LDO | Lido DAO | |
| 5 |  |
 |
-11% | 7.4 | 2.89B | 49 | ATOM | Cosmos | |
| 6 |  |
 |
-4% | 210.2 | 3.88B | 37 | XMR | Monero | |
| 7 |  |
 |
-7% | 93% | 0.05 | 4.33B | 34 | VET | VeChain |
| 8 |  |
 |
-6% | 0.51 | 5.13B | 103 | MATIC | Polygon | |
| 9 |  |
 |
-4% | 0.18 | 5.27B | 31 | CRO | Cronos | |
| 10 |  |
 |
1 | 5.37B | 28 | DAI | Dai | ||
| 11 |  |
 |
-7% | 11.01 | 5.8B | 29 | ICP | Internet Computer | |
| 12 |  |
 |
-7% | 71% | 29.27 | 6.17B | 32 | ETC | Ethereum Classic |
| 13 |  |
 |
-2% | 101572 | 6.63B | 10229 | BTCB | Bitcoin BEP2 | |
| 14 |  |
 |
-8% | 5.68 | 6.97B | 24 | NEAR | NEAR Protocol | |
| 15 |  |
 |
54% | 1.18 | 7.33B | 36 | MNT | Mantle | |
| 16 |  |
 |
-9% | 0.84 | 8.42B | 40 | ARB | Arbitrum | |
| 17 |  |
 |
-4% | 9.12 | 8.99B | 21 | LEO | UNUS SED LEO | |
| 18 |  |
 |
-9% | 89% | 108.46 | 9.11B | 22 | LTC | Litecoin |
| 19 |  |
 |
-8% | 31% | 2.13 | 9.13B | 50 | OP | Optimism |
| 20 |  |
 |
-7% | 94% | 479.12 | 10.1B | 19 | BCH | Bitcoin Cash |
| 21 |  |
 |
-7% | 5.59 | 11B | 41 | FIL | Filecoin | |
| 22 |  |
 |
-8% | 7.53 | 11.5B | 17 | DOT | Polkadot | |
| 23 |  |
 |
-5% | 11.95 | 13.5B | 25 | APT | Aptos | |
| 24 |  |
 |
-2% | 101305 | 13.6B | 10225 | WBTC | Wrapped Bitcoin | |
| 25 |  |
 |
-6% | 0 | 14.1B | 13 | SHIB | Shiba Inu | |
| 26 |  |
 |
76% | 0.29 | 14.4B | 18 | HBAR | Hedera | |
| 27 |  |
 |
0.29 | 14.4B | 10303 | WHBAR | Wrapped HBAR | ||
| 28 |  |
 |
-10% | 14.49 | 14.5B | 20 | UNI | Uniswap |
So, there you have it, folks. The crypto market’s a beautiful disaster, like a Jackson Pollock painting made of vomit and regret. I’m off to buy the dip (because what else can you do?). Maybe I’ll sell my house for Bitcoin and move to Phuket. Diamond hands, baby! šš (Or maybe just crying hands… š)