- SOL (Solana)
- $185.4: ⭐⭐
- From “Ethereum Killer” to “Who Let the SOL Out?” This coin’s down bad, but hey, at least it’s not FTX…yet. Remember that $65k peak? Good times. Now it’s clinging to life like my hopes of ever retiring. Oh wait, did you see that Reddit post, it’s gone down since then!
- SHIB (Shiba Inu)
- $0.0: ⭐
- Still trying to figure out if this is a cryptocurrency or a meme. Either way, it’s about as valuable as my thoughts during a staff meeting. 0.00, should I buy the dip?
- LINK (Chainlink)
- $23.3: ⭐⭐⭐
- LINK, the overachiever of the group, is only down 23% over the past week. That’s practically a bull run in this market! Quick, someone tell Cramer to recommend it so we can short it.
- LTC (Litecoin)
- $102.87: ⭐⭐⭐
- Litecoin, the silver to Bitcoin’s gold, is also feeling the chill. But who needs precious metals when you can have…digital beanie babies? Ah yes, the OG shitcoin still struggling to stay relevant.
- BNB (BNB)
- $672.46: ⭐⭐⭐⭐
- BNB: the cockroach of the crypto world. It just refuses to die. Probably has something to do with CZ and his army of bots. Down only 4%, you’ll probably sell for tax loss harvesting
While a solo miner struck digital gold, snagging a cool $311,432 worth of Bitcoin, the rest of the market seems to be following my grandma’s investment strategy—steady decline. Intel GPUs are apparently a “triumph” (insert eye roll here), but let’s be real, it’s probably because they’re using them to mine that sweet, sweet Bitcoin.
| Logo | 30D Change | 24H Change | Circulating | Price $ | Diluted Cap $ | Cap # | Symbol | Name | |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 0 |  |
 |
+3% | 23.3 | 23.3B | 12 | LINK | Chainlink | |
| 1 |  |
 |
+2% | 76% | 0.27 | 13.7B | 18 | HBAR | Hedera |
| 2 |  |
 |
+2% | 0.27 | 13.7B | 10340 | WHBAR | Wrapped HBAR | |
| 3 |  |
 |
+1% | 1.76 | 1.76B | 69 | LDO | Lido DAO | |
| 4 |  |
 |
54% | 1.19 | 7.39B | 34 | MNT | Mantle | |
| 5 |  |
 |
5.15 | 6.32B | 25 | NEAR | NEAR Protocol | ||
| 6 |  |
 |
5.46 | 27.9B | 13 | TON | Toncoin | ||
| 7 |  |
 |
9.43 | 9.29B | 20 | LEO | UNUS SED LEO | ||
| 8 |  |
 |
89% | 102.87 | 8.64B | 23 | LTC | Litecoin | |
| 9 |  |
 |
672.46 | 96.8B | 5 | BNB | BNB | ||
| 10 |  |
 |
191.62 | 3.53B | 38 | XMR | Monero | ||
| 11 |  |
 |
0.25 | 21.8B | 10262 | WTRX | Wrapped TRON | ||
| 12 |  |
 |
0.25 | 21.5B | 10 | TRX | TRON | ||
| 13 |  |
 |
0.77 | 7.68B | 41 | ARB | Arbitrum | ||
| 14 |  |
 |
71% | 26.56 | 5.6B | 35 | ETC | Ethereum Classic | |
| 15 |  |
 |
93% | 0.05 | 4.04B | 36 | VET | VeChain | |
| 16 |  |
 |
1 | 42.9B | 8 | USDC | USDC | ||
| 17 |  |
 |
1 | 496M | 156 | TUSD | TrueUSD | ||
| 18 |  |
 |
1 | 143B | 3 | USDT | Tether USDt | ||
| 19 |  |
 |
81% | 109.26 | 1.63B | 78 | QNT | Quant | |
| 20 |  |
 |
1 | 5.36B | 28 | DAI | Dai | ||
| 21 |  |
 |
1 | 68.3M | 558 | BUSD | BUSD | ||
| 22 |  |
 |
10.25 | 5.4B | 31 | ICP | Internet Computer | ||
| 23 |  |
 |
31% | 1.81 | 7.78B | 52 | OP | Optimism | |
| 24 |  |
 |
45.54 | 13.7B | 48 | OKB | OKB | ||
| 25 |  |
 |
185.4 | 110B | 6 | SOL | Solana | ||
| 26 |  |
 |
14.08 | 14.1B | 21 | UNI | Uniswap | ||
| 27 |  |
 |
4.98 | 9.75B | 45 | FIL | Filecoin | ||
| 28 |  |
 |
0 | 12.9B | 14 | SHIB | Shiba Inu |
Overall, the crypto market is about as stable as a Jenga tower built by a toddler. Buy high, sell low, question your life choices. Is it time to panic sell and buy Intel? Probably.