Featured image of post 2024-05-28  Crypto Bloodbath: Wives on Sale Lambo Dreams Shattered

2024-05-28 Crypto Bloodbath: Wives on Sale Lambo Dreams Shattered

Crypto took a dip in the kiddie pool today, folks! Buckle up for a wild ride through the digital wreckage as we separate the winners from the whiners.

  • BTC (Bitcoin)
    • $67646.45: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
    • The OG crypto is down, but let’s be honest, it’s just Bitcoin being Bitcoin. It’s like that grumpy grandpa who yells at the sky - always around, always volatile, but secretly keeps the family together.
  • ETH (Ethereum)
    • $3846.34: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
    • ETH took a tumble. Maybe it’s trying to impress Bitcoin with its ability to lose value? Come on, ETH, you’re better than this!
  • LINK (Chainlink)
    • $18.04: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
    • LINK is up 5%! It’s like finding a $20 bill in your pocket, except instead of buying a latte, you obsessively refresh your portfolio, hoping it happens again tomorrow.
  • DOGE (Dogecoin)
    • $0.16: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
    • Dogecoin is like that friend who shows up late to the party with pizza - you can’t stay mad at it for long, even if its price is flatter than a pancake.
  • SHIB (Shiba Inu)
    • $0.00: ⭐⭐⭐⭐
    • Shiba Inu: still trying to find its way out of the dog park. Maybe one day it’ll learn some new tricks, but for now, it’s all bark and no bite.

Nvidia’s (NVDA) stock split has everyone seeing green…except for those poor souls betting against it. Guess they’ll be sticking to public transportation, because wife-changing money is off the table! Speaking of bad bets, Micron got slapped with a $445 million patent infringement fine. Ouch, that’s gotta hurt more than accidentally buying high and selling low!


Logo 30D Change 24H Change Circulating Price $ Diluted Cap $ Cap # Symbol Name
0 -1% 93% 67646.4 1.42T 1 BTC Bitcoin
1 -1% 3846.34 462B 2 ETH Ethereum
2 1 115B 3 USDT Tether USDt
3 166.14 95.9B 5 SOL Solana
4 597.03 88.1B 4 BNB BNB
5 55% 0.53 52.5B 7 XRP XRP
6 -1% 3843.98 35.7B 201 stETH Lido Staked ETH
7 1 32.5B 6 USDC USDC
8 6.35 32.4B 9 TON Toncoin
9 0.16 23.7B 8 DOGE Dogecoin
10 +5% 58% 18.04 18B 13 LINK Chainlink
11 79% 0.46 20.5B 10 ADA Cardano
12 54% 36.82 26.4B 12 AVAX Avalanche
13 0 14.5B 11 SHIB Shiba Inu
14 -2% 47.12 14.1B 42 OKB OKB
15 -5% 1.18 11.8B 30 ARB Arbitrum
16 5.89 11.5B 34 FIL Filecoin
17 -2% 59% 10.91 10.9B 20 UNI Uniswap
18 -2% 25% 2.5 10.8B 43 OP Optimism
19 -1% 67851.4 10.5B 204 WBTC Wrapped Bitcoin
20 -1% 7.33 10.5B 14 DOT Polkadot
21 +1% 9.29 10.2B 26 APT Aptos
22 -1% 0.11 9.67B 205 WTRX Wrapped TRON
23 -1% 0.11 9.67B 15 TRX TRON
24 7.75 9.24B 17 NEAR NEAR Protocol
25 -4% 93% 462.23 9.71B 16 BCH Bitcoin Cash
26 +1% 99% 0.73 7.29B 18 MATIC Polygon
27 -1% 88% 83.06 6.98B 21 LTC Litecoin
28 -3% 69% 30.99 6.53B 25 ETC Ethereum Classic

So, there you have it, folks! Another day in the crypto casino, where fortunes are made and lost faster than you can say “rug pull.” Remember: always do your own research, because in this market, you’re either the gambler or the gamble. And today, it looks like the house is winning.

Made with the laziness 🦥
by a busy guy