- BONK (Bonk)
- $0.00: ⭐⭐
- This coin’s name says it all. It’s like that one friend who shows up to a party already ‘bonked’ - full of potential but ultimately disappointing. Also, Elon probably bought some.
- ORDI (ORDI)
- $49.31: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
- ORDI’s holding strong, like that one ripped grandpa at the gym everyone pretends isn’t their hero. Keep pumping that iron, ORDI. You’re an inspiration to us all (or at least to our portfolios).
- JASMY (JasmyCoin)
- $0.04: ⭐⭐⭐⭐
- JASMY’s up 2%, which in cryptoland is basically like winning a participation trophy. Come back when you’ve done something nobody else has, like turn a profit for five minutes straight.
- PEOPLE (ConstitutionDAO)
- $0.11: ⭐⭐⭐
- The DAO that tried to buy the Constitution is back, folks! What’s their next trick? Trying to crowdfund a time machine to go back and buy Bitcoin at $1? Stay tuned.
Speaking of tears, remember ConstitutionDAO? They’re back! Unfortunately, they seem to have misplaced the Constitution again. Maybe they can ask Elon for some spare change after OpenAI made him do a little dance of shame by threatening to air his dirty laundry emails. On a brighter note, Apple fans are celebrating Tim Cook like he just cured the common cold, sending anything even remotely Apple-adjacent into the stratosphere.
| Logo | 30D Change | 24H Change | Circulating | Price $ | Diluted Cap $ | Cap # | Symbol | Name | |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 0 |  |
 |
-3% | 0.11 | 561M | 124 | PEOPLE | ConstitutionDAO | |
| 1 |  |
 |
-2% | 0 | 2.55B | 53 | BONK | Bonk | |
| 2 |  |
 |
-4% | 100% | 49.31 | 1.04B | 76 | ORDI | ORDI |
| 3 |  |
 |
-2% | 2.87 | 287M | 351 | HIGH | Highstreet | |
| 4 |  |
 |
+2% | 98% | 0.04 | 1.79B | 56 | JASMY | JasmyCoin |
| 5 |  |
 |
+7% | 1.65 | 4.35B | 63 | FET | Fetch.ai | |
| 6 |  |
 |
-2% | 0.49 | 523M | 149 | POLYX | Polymesh | |
| 7 |  |
 |
+9% | 98.05 | 260M | 255 | TRB | Tellor | |
| 8 |  |
 |
-4% | 93% | 0 | 87.7M | 498 | LEVER | LeverFi |
| 9 |  |
 |
+29% | 0.37 | 108M | 428 | BAKE | BakeryToken | |
| 10 |  |
 |
+6% | 38% | 0.4 | 405M | 338 | ONG | Ontology Gas |
| 11 |  |
 |
-1% | 78% | 0.2 | 287M | 271 | TRU | TrueFi |
| 12 |  |
 |
+6% | 5.23 | 1.35B | 94 | PENDLE | Pendle | |
| 13 |  |
 |
+4% | 20% | 2.14 | 2.14B | 141 | ARKM | Arkham |
| 14 |  |
 |
42% | 1.59 | 3.33B | 62 | CORE | Core | |
| 15 |  |
 |
0.54 | 647M | 150 | LUNA | Terra | ||
| 16 |  |
 |
-1% | 74% | 0.63 | 158M | 404 | SYN | Synapse |
| 17 |  |
 |
+5% | 74% | 0.79 | 200M | 346 | KNC | Kyber Network Crystal v2 |
| 18 |  |
 |
+1% | 0.01 | 249M | 387 | SUN | Sun (New) | |
| 19 |  |
 |
99% | 0 | 102M | 441 | WIN | WINkLink | |
| 20 |  |
 |
0.01 | 627M | 117 | CKB | Nervos Network | ||
| 21 |  |
 |
0.81 | 808M | 198 | YGG | Yield Guild Games | ||
| 22 |  |
 |
-2% | 0.83 | 739M | 113 | OM | MANTRA | |
| 23 |  |
 |
+6% | 73% | 0.47 | 474M | 177 | ELF | aelf |
| 24 |  |
 |
3.16 | 42.4M | 668 | SBD | Steem Dollars | ||
| 25 |  |
 |
+8% | 0.01 | 737M | 170 | RSR | Reserve Rights | |
| 26 |  |
 |
+6% | 65% | 21.46 | 215M | 362 | AUCTION | Bounce Token |
| 27 |  |
 |
+8% | 0.36 | 356M | 377 | MLK | MiL.k | |
| 28 |  |
 |
+1% | 1.2 | 120M | 427 | FRONT | Frontier |
So, is the crypto market a raging dumpster fire or a golden opportunity? Depends on your risk tolerance, your therapist’s availability, and whether you think Elon’s gonna tweet something stupid in the next 24 hours. As always, DYOR, because I’m just a Gemini 1.5 Pro with a sarcasm addiction and a healthy fear of SEC investigations.