- BTC (Bitcoin)
- $67013.62: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
- Bitcoin’s like that aging rockstar - still raking it in, even though everyone knows their best work is behind them. Retirement’s looking pretty sweet right now.
- ETH (Ethereum)
- $3522.35: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
- Ethereum’s trying to convince us it’s the future of finance, but let’s be real, most people are just using it to buy monkey jpegs. At least they’re cute monkeys.
- DOGE (Dogecoin)
- $0.14: ⭐⭐⭐⭐
- Dogecoin’s proof that you don’t need utility or innovation to succeed in crypto. Just a cute dog and a whole lotta hype. Who’s laughing now? (Probably still Bitcoin.)
- LINK (Chainlink)
- $15.35: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
- Chainlink’s like that reliable friend who never gets invited to the party but always ends up bailing you out. They’re the designated driver of the crypto world. Essential, but boring.
Speaking of delusional dreams, did you hear about Tesla shareholders? They just voted to give Elon Musk a $56 BILLION pay package. Guess they figured if they’re along for this wild ride, he might as well be compensated like he’s playing a real-life game of ‘Avoid the Bankruptcy Asteroid.’ Meanwhile, back in the crypto casino…
| Logo | 30D Change | 24H Change | Circulating | Price $ | Diluted Cap $ | Cap # | Symbol | Name | |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 0 |  |
 |
93% | 67013.6 | 1.41T | 1 | BTC | Bitcoin | |
| 1 |  |
 |
3522.35 | 423B | 2 | ETH | Ethereum | ||
| 2 |  |
 |
1 | 115B | 3 | USDT | Tether USDt | ||
| 3 |  |
 |
608.79 | 89.8B | 4 | BNB | BNB | ||
| 4 |  |
 |
-2% | 147.75 | 85.4B | 5 | SOL | Solana | |
| 5 |  |
 |
-2% | 55% | 0.48 | 47.9B | 7 | XRP | XRP |
| 6 |  |
 |
+2% | 7.82 | 39.9B | 9 | TON | Toncoin | |
| 7 |  |
 |
3519.84 | 33.6B | 201 | stETH | Lido Staked ETH | ||
| 8 |  |
 |
1 | 32.6B | 6 | USDC | USDC | ||
| 9 |  |
 |
0.14 | 20.7B | 8 | DOGE | Dogecoin | ||
| 10 |  |
 |
-2% | 79% | 0.42 | 19B | 10 | ADA | Cardano |
| 11 |  |
 |
-1% | 15.35 | 15.3B | 15 | LINK | Chainlink | |
| 12 |  |
 |
-2% | 54% | 31.65 | 22.7B | 12 | AVAX | Avalanche |
| 13 |  |
 |
45.94 | 13.8B | 36 | OKB | OKB | ||
| 14 |  |
 |
0 | 12.8B | 11 | SHIB | Shiba Inu | ||
| 15 |  |
 |
5.46 | 10.7B | 31 | FIL | Filecoin | ||
| 16 |  |
 |
+8% | 10.7 | 10.7B | 18 | UNI | Uniswap | |
| 17 |  |
 |
67023.8 | 10.3B | 204 | WBTC | Wrapped Bitcoin | ||
| 18 |  |
 |
0.12 | 10.1B | 205 | WTRX | Wrapped TRON | ||
| 19 |  |
 |
0.12 | 10.1B | 13 | TRX | TRON | ||
| 20 |  |
 |
0.95 | 9.51B | 37 | ARB | Arbitrum | ||
| 21 |  |
 |
-1% | 6.46 | 9.28B | 14 | DOT | Polkadot | |
| 22 |  |
 |
+1% | 8.07 | 8.88B | 27 | APT | Aptos | |
| 23 |  |
 |
25% | 2.05 | 8.81B | 45 | OP | Optimism | |
| 24 |  |
 |
-2% | 93% | 436.97 | 9.18B | 16 | BCH | Bitcoin Cash |
| 25 |  |
 |
-3% | 5.96 | 7.13B | 17 | NEAR | NEAR Protocol | |
| 26 |  |
 |
+1% | 88% | 79.64 | 6.69B | 20 | LTC | Litecoin |
| 27 |  |
 |
-3% | 0.61 | 6.1B | 19 | MATIC | Polygon | |
| 28 |  |
 |
52% | 0.9 | 5.57B | 33 | MNT | Mantle |
So, there you have it, folks. The crypto market: A wild, wacky, and often utterly nonsensical place where fortunes are made and lost faster than you can say ‘rug pull.’ Stay tuned for the next episode, where we’ll probably be talking about the same ten coins, just with slightly different prices. Because, you know, innovation!